Want to know what happens when you take a London night bus?

I’ll gladly tell you what happens.  First, you get on the bus and there isn’t anywhere to sit between the two floors of the double-decker.  It’s a 45 minute ride, but that’s alright.  You’ll just stand, no big deal.  You get pushed a little when people exit, you brush it off, you put on some nice music to drown out the drunken laughter and or cries.  Then six or so “ghetto” (not sure what the term is here, nor if there’s a politically correct one) girls run down the the stairs to the upper deck yelling and screaming at nice men between screaming at each other.  “Where is my shoe?!” one of them yells in a random direction.  “Where is my fucking bag?!” the same one screams.  Some of these girls shake their heads, some seem bent on helping their friend out.  You overhear something about guys upstairs.  The yelling girl runs up and down the stairs a few times.  The bus stops a few times.  A guy and his friend step out.  One leans against the fence and vomits for a few minutes while his friend stands by in idle support drinking a bottle of water.  The bus waits.  They get back on.  The vomiter drinks some of his friend’s water.  “Not too fast,” a girl tells him.  He leans out the open door to throw-up some more.  The bus continues on.  The bus stops.  A large group of “ghetto” (again, let me know if you’ve got a better descriptor) guys come down the stairs.   These must be the guys causing all the trouble with that group of girls.  These guys come down in a large procession, and repeatedly touch the girls inappropriately.  They get off the bus.  The bus continues. The next stop these same guys get arrested by police officers.  The girls get off at this stop.  The bus continues.  A few seats open up at the next stop.  You take one next to a nice tube operator presumably on his way home from work.  A few guys (completely different incident) get tackled on a house’s front lawn by some police officers.  A seat opens up next to you at the next stop.  You move to the aisle seat so nobody else sits next to you.  A guy tells you to move over even though there are tons of sets of open seats where he could sit alone.  You sit listening to your ipod.  You feel very uncomfortable and out of place.  You see a large fight in an alleyway from the window.  You pray for your life.  You smile because you realize life is a joke.  After about an hour you make it to your stop.  You press the stop button very hard.  You exit.  That is what happens.

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About Drew Litowitz

Sound advice.
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3 Responses to Want to know what happens when you take a London night bus?

  1. jneubelt says:

    I love this. Want to know what happens when you take a Morocco anything bus? If you’ve paid more that $5 for the bus (read: alot), it might actually come to stop when you board it. Anything under, you will be running to board that bus that is at best slowing down to a quick roll. Everyone in the country has two phones (therefore twice as many Cool Ringtones, twice as many Fun Games and twice as many loud conversations in Arabic) and nobody understands the concept of a line. There will never be a toilet, even if said bus ride is 8 hours long, and Moroccans don’t really believe in TP. Oh, study abroad, how invaluable you are.

  2. Nolan Hartley says:

    Dude were the fights between soccer hooligans? That would be cool, like a multi club brawl or something.

  3. Natalia says:

    C-H-A-V-S.

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